四年級笑話類英語閱讀題

⑴ 英語小笑話（四年級的，要都會讀）

英語小笑話？
最雷人的翻譯：
甲：How are you ?
乙：怎麼是你？
甲：How old are you ?
乙：怎麼老是你？

⑵ 求英語閱讀帶翻譯的（50字以內）小笑話也可以

1. Two Tickets Please
A young man was in love with a girl. At one weekend, he invited
his girlfriend to the cinema. When they were at the ticket box,
the young man said to the ticket seller, "Two tickets, please. "
When the ticket seller told him that all the tickets had sold
out, the disappointed young man said, "Then do you have any sur
tickets that can allow us to stand together?"

兩張電影票
一個小夥子愛上了一位姑娘。周末，他請她看電影。來到售票處，
小夥子對售票員說：「請給兩張票。」售票員告訴他所有的票都賣完了。
失望的年輕人說：「那麼，您有兩張可以讓我們站在一起的附加票嗎？」

2、What Grade
Kristin,, my 17-year-old niece, had just gotten her driver's
license and offered to take her mom's car to the gas station. She
pulled up to the full-service pumps, and the attendant asked, "What
grade, miss?"
哪一級
我的十七歲的侄女，科里斯蒂，剛剛拿到駕照。她主動提出去加油
站給她媽媽的車加油。她把車開到晝夜服務的加油泵前。服務員問她：
「（加油加到）哪一級，小姐？」

3、When a Tiger comes
Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them.
One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?"
His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."

老虎來了
兩個男人正在穿過叢林，突然，一隻老虎出現在遠處，向他們沖來。
當中的一個人從包里拿出一雙「耐克」跑鞋，開始穿上。另一個人驚奇地看著他說，「你以為穿上跑鞋就可以跑得過老虎嗎？」
他的朋友回答道：「我不用跑得過它，我只要跑得比你快就行了。」

4、The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

吝嗇鬼請客
一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終於決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎麼找到他家時說：「你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然後用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之後，再用你的腳把門推開。」
「為什麼要用我的肘和腳呢？」
「你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？」吝嗇鬼回答。

5、Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.

給我那個打贏的吧
-- 服務員，
這個龍蝦只有一隻爪。
-- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。
-- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。

6、my little dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

我的狗不識字

布朗夫人：哦，
親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！
史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！
布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。」

7、Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」

8、Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

Notes:
(1) inform v.告訴
(2) nest n.窩；巢
(3) description n.描述
(4) encourage v.鼓勵
(5) resemble v. 相似；類似

.鳥窩與頭發
我姐姐是一位小學老師。一次一個學生告訴她說一隻鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩。
「是什麼鳥呢？」我姐姐問她。
「我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩。」那孩子回答說。
「那麼，你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎？」我姐姐鼓勵她道。
「哦，老師，就像你的頭發一樣。」

9、I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

Notes:
(1) poisonous adj.有毒的
(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因為我剛咬了自己的舌頭。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的縮略形式。

我剛咬破自己的舌頭
「我們有毒嗎？」一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。
「是的，親愛的，」她回答說，「你問這個干什麼？」
「因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。」

10、A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"

摔倒的女人
上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車。接近門口，一位肥胖的中年婦女從後面沖過來，沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳，仰面滑倒了。她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。我正准備扶她，她卻自己爬了起來。她鎮定了一下，對我擠了一下眉，說道：「總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎？」

⑶ 求一些有關英語笑話的小短文，我想提高自己的閱讀理解

Humor

"What Not To Name Your Dog"

Everybody who has a dog calls him "Roger" or "Boy". I call mine "Sex". He's a great pal, but he caused me a great deal of embarrassment when I went to City Hall to renew his dog license. I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like one too!". Then I said, "But this is a dog". He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was 9 years old". He winked and said "You must have been quite a kid".

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took Sex with me. I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said, "You don't need a special room. As long as you pay your bill, we don't care what you do". I said, "Look, you don't seem to understand, Sex keeps me awake at night". The clerk said, "Funny, I have the same problem".

One day I entered in Sex in a contest, but before the competition began the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand", I replied, "I had hoped to have Sex on TV". He said " Now since that cable is all over the place, it is no big deal anymore".

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married". The judge said, "The courtroom isn't a confessional. Stick to the case please". Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, "Me too".

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over and asked "What are you doing in this alley at three o'clock in the morning?" I told him I was looking for Sex. My case comes up Friday.

⑷ 簡短的、適合四年級學生看的英語笑話有哪些

Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老師:為什麼你每天早晨都遲到?
湯姆:每當我經過學校的拐角處,僦看見一個牌子上寫著"學校----慢行"。
sign：牌子，路標
corner：轉彎處，拐角處

⑸ 英語小笑話 四年級能看懂 簡短一點，帶翻譯

Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老師:為什麼你每天早晨都遲到?
湯姆:每當我經過學校的拐角處,僦看見一個牌子上寫著"學校----慢行回"。
sign：牌答子，路標
corner：轉彎處，拐角處

⑹ 四年級英語小笑話，中英文都要的。。。

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so
interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」專
「我給了一個可憐屬的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」

這個當時我也用過，不知道能幫上你什麼，反正挺簡單的，我個人比較喜歡，不知道你怎麼看，反正當時我用的是這個^_^！

⑺ 適合小學生閱讀的英語小笑話要帶翻譯

1.Returning from a golf outing, my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. "Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?"

"Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win," my husband hedged. "We just play to have fun."

Undaunted, Sare said, "Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?"

丈夫打完高爾夫球回來，我們四歲的女兒莎拉在門口迎了上去。「爸爸，誰贏了高爾夫球比賽，是你還是理查叔叔？」

「我和理查叔叔打高爾夫球不是為贏，」丈夫推諉說。「我們打球只是為了開心而已。」

莎拉毫不氣餒，又問：「那麼，爸爸，誰玩的更開心呢？」
2.A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. "Well, sit down and eat your tea," said his mother. "Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it."

Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.

"That's because it's empty," said his bright son. "You'd be all right if you had something in it."

一個男孩放學回家時，覺得肚子痛。「來，坐下，吃點點心，」媽媽說，「你肚子痛是因為肚子是空的。吃點東西就會好的。」

一會兒，男孩的爸爸下班回家了，說是頭痛。

「你頭痛是因為你的腦袋是空的，」他那聰明的兒子說，「裡面裝點東西，就會好的。」
3.A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.

Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, "When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.

Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, "Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?"

一位年輕的母親認為，世界上還有許多受飢餓的人，浪費食物真不應該。有天晚上，在安排幼小的女兒睡覺之前，她給女兒喂夜宵。她先給她一片新鮮的黑麵包和黃油，但孩子說她不喜歡這樣吃。她還要一些果醬塗在麵包上。

母親看了女兒幾秒鍾，隨即說道，「露茜，當我象你一樣小的時候，總是吃麵包加黃油，或者麵包加果醬，從來沒有麵包既加黃油又加果醬。」

露茜看了母親一會兒，眼中露出憐憫的神情，然後她柔聲說：「您現在能跟我們生活在一起難道不感到高興嗎？」

⑻ 求10篇小學四年級的英語閱讀卷（附題的，不要太難）

1.
My name is Tom. My birthday is June 2nd. The weather is sunny and hot. It』 my favourite season. On my birthday, I usually have a birthday party. Sometimes we have a picnic. Tomorrow is my birthday. I am cleaning the room now. My mom is making a birthday cake for me.
根據上面短文的意思判斷下面的句子是否正確，正確的在句子前面的括弧里打「√」，不正確的打「×」
( )1.Tom』s birthday is on Children』s Day.
( )2.It』s warm and sunny in summer.
( )3. Today is June 1st.
( )4. Tom』s mother can make a birthday cake.
( )5.Usually there is a birthday party on Tom』s birthday.

2.
Look!This is a picture of Mr.Brown't family. The man in a biack coat is Mr.Brown.The woman near him is Mrs.Brown,The little girl in a red coat is Sue. The tall boy behind her is Jim,her brother.The family is now in China.Tomorrow is Children's Day.MR brown wants to buy some presents for his children. Sue wants a new skirt,but Jim wants a new bike. How happy they are!
1.Whose picture is this?
____________________________________________.
2.Where's the family now?
____________________________________________.
3.Who is the little girl in a red coat?
____________________________________________.
4.What presents do Mr Brown's children want to buy?
____________________________________________.
5.Which festival is tomorrow?
____________________________________________.

3.
Betty and KittyBetty and Kitty are twins. They』re 12 years old. They look the same. But they have different hobbies. Betty likes collecting stamps. She has many beautiful stamps. They』re from different cities and countries. But Kitty likes growing flowers. The flowers are all very beautiful.Betty and Kitty both like reading books. Betty likes reading storybooks. But Kitty likes reading science books.On Sunday,they usually ride bikes to the park. They can play with their friends there. Sometimes their parents go there, too.
根據短文內容，判斷下列句子的正誤，正確的寫「T」，錯誤的寫「F」。( ) 1. Betty is Kitty』s sister.
( ) 1. Betty likes growing flowers.
( ) 2. Kitty likes reading storybooks.
( ) 3. They』re twelve years old.
( ) 4. They usually take a bus to the park on Saturday.
4.
Lovely pandas』faces look like cats』, but their fat bodies and short tails are like bears』. Pandas are very lovely and they are friendly to people. People likes them very much.Most Pandas live in China. The northwestern part ofSichuan Province(省) and southern part of Gansu Province are their hometowns. Pandas like to climb trees. They usually live in the forests of high mountains, eat bamboo and drink spring water.
根據短文的意思，選出正確的答案。
( )1. The panda mainly lives in.
A. America B. Shanghai C. London D. China
( )2. Is like a cat』s.
A. The panda B. The panda』s face C. The panda』s body D. The panda』s tail
( )3. Where are the pandas』 hometowns? A. Guangdong and Gansu. B. Sichuan and Suzhou.C. Gansu and Sichuan D. Hubei and Sichuan
( )4. What』s the panda』s main food? A. Rice. B. Meat. C. Bamboo. D. Grass.
5.
Four Good FriendsMary, Nancy, Ron and Kate are good friends. Mary』s favorite number is 3 and her favorite country is France. 16 is Nancy』s number, and America is her favorite country. Ron likes Japan very much. 30 is his favorite number. Whose favorite number is 60? Oh, it is Kate. Kate』s father works in Chinese food very much and they also like Chinese people. Kate』s lucky number is 6. All of them hope that one day they can travel the world together.
閱讀短文，回答問題。
1. What』s Mary』s favorite number?
2. What』s Nancy』s favorite country?
3. What』s Kate』s father』s job?
4. Does Kate like Chinese food?
6.
Hello. My name is Millie. I』m thirteen years old. I』m a good boy. I often play volleyball so .I』m fit and healthy. For breakfast, I always have some bread and an egg and I drink a glass of orange juice. I sometimes have rice with fish and an apple for lunch. I really love apples, because 「An apple a day keeps the doctor away（離開）」. In the evening, I sometimes have a glass of milk or a cup of green tea and some biscuits. For dinner, I often have soup, meat and vegetables. I like vegetables because they are fresh and healthy. They are good for me. Look at me! How tall and strong I am now!
( )Millie is 14 this year.
( )Millie likes football very much.
( )Millie often drinks orange juice for breakfast.
( )Millie likes apples because they』re healthy.
( )I often have vegetables for dinner.
7.
Zip:What』s your favourite food, Zoom?
Zoom:I like beef, but I』m heavy now. I have to eat vegetables. What about you, Zip?
Zip:I like chicken. It』s tasty. Do you like fruits, Zoom.
Zoom:Yes, carrot juice is my favourite It』s fresh and healthy.
Zip:I like fruits. But I don』t like strawberries. They』re sour.
1、Beef is Zoom』s favowrite food.（ ）
2、Zoom can eat a let of meat.（ ）
3、Zoom likes carrot juice because it』s fresh and healthy.（ ）
4、Zip likes strawberries because they』re sour.（ ）
5、Zip』s favourite food is chicken.（ ）
8.
Jane is a student. She is fifteen. She lives with her parents and her grandfather. Her grandfather is seventy years old. He has got a backache. He needs to see a doctor. But Jane』s parents are very busy. Her father is a policeman. Her mother is a teacher. So Jane wants to go to hospital with her grandfather after school. She hopes her grandfather gets better soon.
（ ）1. What』s Jane』s job?
A. A teacher B. A policewoman C. A student
（ ）2. Who needs to see a doctor?
A. Jane B. Jane』s parents C. Jane』s grandfather
9
Liu Tao: Hi, Mike. Nice to see you.
Mike: Nice to see you, too. Liu Tao.
Liu Tao: What day is it today?
Mike: It』s Thursday. What lessons do you have in this morning?
Liu Tao: We have Maths, Chinese, Art, and Science.
Mike: Oh, I like PE very much. But we don』t have PE today.
Liu Tao: We have PE and Computer Studies this afternoon.
Mike: Great! Do you like PE?
Liu Tao: No, I don』t. I like English very much. Tomorrow we will have an English lesson in the morning.
Mike: It』s time for class. Let』s go!
閱讀理解，並判斷。
( )1. Liu Tao has PE in the afternoon.
( )2. Liu Tao has six lessons today.
( )3. Liu Tao doesn』t like English.
( )4. Liu Tao will have English lesson on Friday morning.
10
Mr Brown lives in a nice house in a small town with his wife(妻子) , Mrs Brown. From Monday to Friday he works in an office near his house. He is free on Saturdays and Sundays. He has a nice garden beside his house. He likes growing flowers and he often works in the garden on Saturdays and Sundays. The flowers are very beautiful and Mrs Brown likes them very much. She often helps Mr Brown.

( )1. Mr Brown lives in _________with his wife.
A. a city B. a small town C. a big town
( )2. He works_________ days a week in his office.
A. four B. five C. six
( )3. He isn』t _________on Saturdays and Sundays.
A. free B. busy C. happy
( )4. He likes _________ on Saturdays and Sundays.
A. working in his garden B. walking in his gardon
C. looking at his garden
( )5. Mrs Brown _________ the flowers.
A. like B. doesn』t like C. often helps

⑼ 我求一些英語閱讀的笑話~~~盡量就是小短文~~~誰能幫幫我啊

搜就好了啊
這是我查到的

1、How much English can you speak?

"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."
The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"

中文翻譯
"法官先生，我的當事人被指控偷竊，這是多麼不公正啊。他一周前才來到紐約，幾乎不認路。而且，他只會說幾個英語單詞。"
法官看了看被告，問道："你會說多少英文？"
被告抬起頭，說："把你的錢包給我！"

2

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
He said, "What?"
丈夫給妻子看了一項調查結果，為了向她證明女人比男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用15000個字，而女人每天使用30000個。
妻子想了一會兒說，女人每天說的字數是男人的兩倍，因為她們必須重復已經說過的話。
他問："什麼？"

3

Boy: Is this seat empty?
Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
男孩：這個座位是空的么？
女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也將是空的。

4、

"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."
"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."
"But has he finished his own cake?"
"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."
"湯姆，你弟弟怎麼了？" 媽媽在廚房裡問。"他在哭。"
"沒事兒，媽媽，" 湯姆答道。"我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因為我不給他吃。"
"他已經吃完自己的了么？"
"是的。" "我幫他吃完時，他也哭了。"

2009-6-7

A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"
路人甲對路人乙說，"猜猜我兜里有幾個子兒？"
路人乙說："我猜對了，你能給我一個不？"
路人甲說："你要猜對了，我兩個全部給你！"

2009-6-6研究生和本科生的區別

"I can always tell a graate class from an undergraate class," said an instructor at a university graate engineering course. "When I say 'Good afternoon,' the undergraates respond 'Good afternoon.' But the graate students just write it down."
一個教師在研究生工程學課堂上說："我一眼就能看出來哪些是本科生，哪些是研究生。" "我說'下午好'的時候，本科生回答'下午好'，而研究生則把這句話記在本子上。"

2009-6-5

Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month has 28 days?
Tom: Every month.
爸爸：告訴我湯姆，哪個月有28天呢？
湯姆：每個月都有啊！

2009-6-4making faces

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child I was told if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that". Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
史密斯小姐發現她的一名學生在操場上向別人做鬼臉，便去輕責他。
這位主日學校的老師甜甜地微笑著，說："博比，我小的時候，有人告訴我如果我做鬼臉，我的臉就會僵硬，永遠都那麼丑。"
博比抬頭看了看老師，說："史密斯小姐，你可別說沒人警告過你啊。"

2009-6-3

A guy goes to visit his grandma and he brings his friend with him.
While he's talking to his grandma, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.
As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandma, "Thanks for the peanuts."
She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off."
一名男子帶著朋友去探望他的祖母。
當他和祖母聊天時，他的朋友開始吃咖啡桌上放的花生，並把花生都給吃光了。
他們離開時，他的朋友對祖母說:"謝謝您的花生。"
結果祖母說:"唉！自從我牙齒掉光後，我就只能吮掉花生豆外層的巧克力了。"

2009-6-2

A father was trying to teach his son the evils of alcohol.
He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.
"All right, son," asked the father, "What does that show you?"
"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."
一位父親打算讓自己的兒子知道酒精有多麼可怕。
他把分別把兩只蟲子放到一杯清水和一杯威士忌里做對比。清水裡蟲子安然無恙，結果威士忌里的蟲子蜷縮了幾下就掛掉了。
"所以，兒子啊，"父親問道，"得出什麼結論？"
"恩，這說明，你只要喝酒的話，肚裡就不會長蟲了！"

2009-6-1

Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor's consulting-room.

"Doctor," he said, "you must help me. I swallowed a penny about a month ago."

"Good heavens, man!" said the doctor. "Why have you waited so long? Why don't you come to me on the day you swallowed it?"

"To tell you the truth, Doctor," the poor man replied, "I didn't need the money so badly then."

中文翻譯：

一個看起來很難受的窮人走進大夫的診室。

"大夫！"他說，"幫幫我！一個月前我吞了一分硬幣！"

"天哪，"大夫說，"早幹嘛去了？你當時怎麼不來看？"

"實話告訴您吧，大夫，"窮人說，"我當時還不缺錢！"

2009-5-31

Boy: Hi, didn't we go on dates before? Onec or twice?
Girl: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.
男孩：嗨，我們之前是不是約會過，是一次還是兩次，我忘記了。
女孩：應該只有一次吧，我從不犯兩次同樣的錯誤。

2009-5-30

In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, a teacher asked one of the boys, "What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?"
"To be deaf," replied the boy.
"Nonsense!" said the teacher angrily.
"Why, sir! Don't you know that the famous musician Beethoven was deaf?" the boy asked in reply disdainfully.
在一次音樂學院的入學考試中，老師問其中一個男孩："音樂家最重要的生理素質是什麼？"
"耳聾，"男孩答道。
"胡說！"老師氣憤地說。
"怎麼了，先生！難道您不知道大名鼎鼎的音樂家貝多芬是個聾子嗎？"男孩輕蔑地反問道。

2009-5-28

A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.
Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"
The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."
Bartender: "That should make you happy."
The man: "No, the month is up today!"
一個男人坐在酒吧里，傷心至極。
酒吧招待："你怎麼了？跟老婆鬧矛盾了？"
男人："我們吵了一架，她說一個月都不跟我說話。"
酒吧招待："那你應該高興才是啊！"
男人："不，今天是這個月的最後一天。"

【Laughter】2009-5-27
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
女人找了老公之前都在擔憂未來。男人娶了老婆之前從來不為未來擔憂。

2009-5-26

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
男人想要的東西，要是值1塊錢卻賣2塊，他也會買；而對於女人，即使是不想要的東西，要是值2塊錢卻只賣1塊，她也會買。

2009-5-25

The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and vice versa. "Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the 2nd time will be fined $60. Being caught a 3rd time will incur a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this moment, a male student in the crowd inquires, "Umm...How much for a season pass?"
女生宿舍將全面禁止男生進入，男生宿舍也同樣不得女生光臨。
"不論是誰，一旦違規，初犯將被罰款20美元。再犯要被罰款60美元。第3次被抓需要交180美元的罰款。還有什麼疑問么？"
這時人群中一個男同學問道，"那麼一個季度通行證需要多少錢？"

2009-5-24

Boy: Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money.
男孩：我可以給你買杯飲料嗎？
女孩：你不如直接把錢給我得了。

2009-5-22

Doctor: Your cough sounds much better today.
Patient: It should. I've been practicing all night.
醫生：聽上去你咳嗽今天好多了。
病人：應該如此。我昨晚練習了一整夜。

2009-5-21

Pete: "The last time I was out hunting, I stepped off a high cliff, and would you believe it, while I was falling every fool deed I'd ever done came into my mind."
Bob: "Must have been a pretty high mountain you fell from."
皮特："我上次出去打獵，跌下了很高的懸崖，信不信由你，當我跌落的時候，我腦海里浮現了我做過的所有蠢事。"
鮑勃："你一定是從萬丈高山上跌落的吧。"

2009-5-19

Spending the night with their grandparents, 2 young boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers at bedtime. The younger boy began praying at the top of his lungs:"I PRAY FOR A BIKE... I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD..."
His older brother nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
2個男孩與祖父母一起過夜，他們跪在床邊做睡前禱告。弟弟聲嘶力竭地祈禱: "我祈求一輛自行車，一張新DVD……"
哥哥用肘輕推他: "你為什麼大喊著祈禱？上帝又不聾。"
弟弟答道:"上帝是不聾，但是奶奶聾。"

2009-5-18

A cop spotted a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Coming up beside her, he said, "Pull over!"
"No," she replied, "a pair of socks!"
巡警發現一名婦女邊開車邊織毛衣，便開車上前，說："靠邊停車(套頭衫)！"
"不，" 她回答，"是一雙襪子！"