英語短文幽默閱讀理解

『壹』 英語幽默短文

英語幽默：Second language
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.

Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.

Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"

一隻母老鼠帶著孩子出來散步，突然她看見一隻貓正在灌木叢中虎視專耽耽。屬

母老鼠向著貓叫道：「汪，汪，汪」，貓聽了非常害怕，拚命跑走了。

母老鼠回過頭洋洋自得的對孩子說：「現在你知道外語的重要性了吧。」

『貳』 英語搞笑短文帶翻譯

A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor,
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
一個男人在街上被計程車撞倒送進了醫院.他的妻子站在他的床前對醫生說:"我想他傷得很厲害."醫生說:"我怕他已經死了."聽到醫生的話,這個男人轉動著頭說:"我沒死,我還活著."妻子說:"安靜,醫生比你懂得多."

The busis very crowded.Aman tries to get on,but no one gives way to him.
"Hey,let me get on the bus."the man shouts.
"It's too crowded.You'd better take the next bus."a passenger says to him.
"But you can't go withou me.I'm the driver."the man says.
公共汽車上很擁擠.一位男士想上車,但是沒有人給他讓路.
"喂,讓我上車!"那位男士喊道.
"車太擠了,你最好坐下一輛"車上的一位乘客對他說.
"但是沒有我你們走不了.我是司機!"那位男士說道.

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處於那種對什麼事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：「爸爸，『醉』字是什麼意思？」 「唔，孩子，」父親回答說，「你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那麼我就算醉了。」 「可是，爸爸， 」孩子說，「那兒只有一個警察呀！」

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
由於客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家裡沒有乳酪了，於是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒，他拿著一片乳酪回到房間，把乳酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把乳酪放進嘴裡說：「孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪裡找到的乳酪？」 「在捕鼠夾上，先生。」那小男孩說。 Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老師:為什麼你每天早晨都遲到?
湯姆:每當我經過學校的拐角處,僦看見一個牌子仩寫著"學校----慢行".

.A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is in their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,'Get the kid.'

這里想對將要退休者提一點忠告。如果你只有65歲的話，千萬別進退休社區。因為那裡人人都七八十歲或者八九十歲了。每當要搬東西，抬東西或者裝東西時，他們就叫喊，「讓小的干吧。」

2.Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red?

Freddie: I was running up the street to stop a fight.

Mother: That's a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting?

Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith.

媽媽：弗雷迪，你的臉為什麼那麼紅？

弗雷迪：我剛才在大街上跑，為的是阻止一次打架？

媽媽：你做的對，誰和誰在打架。

弗雷迪：我和傑克·史密斯。
man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor,
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
一個男人在街上被計程車撞倒送進了醫院.他的妻子站在他的床前對醫生說:"我想他傷得很厲害."醫生說:"我怕他已經死了."聽到醫生的話,這個男人轉動著頭說:"我沒死,我還活著."妻子說:"安靜,醫生比你懂得多."

The busis very crowded.Aman tries to get on,but no one gives way to him.
"Hey,let me get on the bus."the man shouts.
"It's too crowded.You'd better take the next bus."a passenger says to him.
"But you can't go withou me.I'm the driver."the man says.
公共汽車上很擁擠.一位男士想上車,但是沒有人給他讓路.
"喂,讓我上車!"那位男士喊道.
"車太擠了,你最好坐下一輛"車上的一位乘客對他說.
"但是沒有我你們走不了.我是司機!"那位男士說道.

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處於那種對什麼事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：「爸爸，『醉』字是什麼意思？」 「唔，孩子，」父親回答說，「你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那麼我就算醉了。」 「可是，爸爸， 」孩子說，「那兒只有一個警察呀！」

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
由於客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家裡沒有乳酪了，於是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒，他拿著一片乳酪回到房間，把乳酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把乳酪放進嘴裡說：「孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪裡找到的乳酪？」 「在捕鼠夾上，先生。」那小男孩說。1,Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

兩只鳥

老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一隻是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？

學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老師：請說說看。

學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。

2. The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

魚網

"你能告訴我魚網是什麼做的嗎，安？" 老師發問道。

"把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。" 小女孩回答道。

3. The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

新老師

9月1日， 喬治放學回到家裡。

"喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？" 媽媽問。

"媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可後來又說2加4也得6。"

4. A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.

The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?

Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考試

在一次物理考試時，當同學們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。

這個問題是：為什麼在打雷時，我們總是先看到閃電後聽到雷聲？

尼克的回答是：因為眼睛在前，耳朵在後。

『叄』 英語幽默短文 要搞笑的

英語幽默：Second
language
A
mother
mouse
was
out
for
a
stroll
with
her
babies
when
she
spotted
a
cat
crouched
behind
a
bush.
She
watched
the
cat,
and
the
cat
watched
the
mice.
Mother
mouse
barked
fiercely,
"Woof,
woof,
woof!"
The
cat
was
so
terrified
that
it
ran
for
it's
life.
Mother
mouse
turned
to
her
babies
and
said,
"Now,
do
you
understand
the
value
of
a
second
language?"
一隻母老鼠帶著孩子出來散步，突然她看見一隻貓正在灌木叢中虎視耽耽。
母老鼠向著貓叫道：「汪，汪，汪」，貓聽了非常害怕，拚命跑走了。
母老鼠回過頭洋洋自得的對孩子說：「現在你知道外語的重要性了吧。」
Catch
a
cold
得感冒
During
the
fight,
the
boxer
swiped
the
air
furiously,
but
could
not
hit
his
opponent.
"How
am
I
doing?"
he
asked
the
coach
at
the
end
of
the
round.
"Well,
if
you
keep
this
up,"
replied
the
coach,
"he
might
feel
the
wind
and
catch
a
cold."
http://enghumor.anyp.cn/040227092045218.aspx

『肆』 英語短文幽默

A Bet
Two pals are sitting in a pub watching the eleven-'clock news.A reporter comes on about a man threatening to jump from the 20th floor of a downtown building.One friend turns to the other and says,'I'll bet you ten bucks the guy doesn't jump.'
'It's a bet,' agrees his buddy.
A few minutes later, the man on the ledge jumps,so the loser hands his pal a $10 bill.'I can't take your money,'his friend admits.'I saw him jump earlier on the six-o'clock news.'
'Me,too,'says the other buddy.'But I didn't think he'd do it again.
打賭

兩個好朋友正坐在一家小酒館內觀看十一點的電視新聞。一則新聞報道說，有個男人威脅要從商業區一座大樓的二十層跳下去。一位朋友轉身對另一位說道：「我敢賭十塊錢，那傢伙不會往下跳。」
「賭就賭，」他的朋友欣然同意。
幾分鍾後，站在牆檐上的男人跳了下去，因而賭輸的那位交給他的朋友一張十元的鈔票。「我不能拿你的錢，」他的朋友承認道，「早在六點的新聞里，我就已見他跳下去了。」
「我也是，」另一位說，「可我想他不會再跳了！」

『伍』 英文幽默短文

英語幽默：Second language
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.

Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.

Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"

一隻母老鼠帶著孩子出來散步，突然她看見一隻貓正在灌木叢中虎視耽耽。

母老鼠向著貓叫道：「汪，汪，汪」，貓聽了非常害怕，拚命跑走了。

母老鼠回過頭洋洋自得的對孩子說：「現在你知道外語的重要性了吧。」

或http://enghumor.anyp.cn/040227092045218.aspx

『陸』 給10篇英語幽默短文，100詞左右，謝謝了

選我~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
英語幽默：Second
language
A
mother
mouse
was
out
for
a
stroll
with
her
babies
when
she
spotted
a
cat
crouched
behind
a
bush.
She
watched
the
cat,
and
the
cat
watched
the
mice.
Mother
mouse
barked
fiercely,
"Woof,
woof,
woof!"
The
cat
was
so
terrified
that
it
ran
for
it's
life.
Mother
mouse
turned
to
her
babies
and
said,
"Now,
do
you
understand
the
value
of
a
second
language?"
一隻母老鼠帶著孩子出來散步，突然她看見一隻貓正在灌木叢中虎視耽耽。
母老鼠向著貓叫道：「汪，汪，汪」，貓聽了非常害怕，拚命跑走了。
母老鼠回過頭洋洋自得的對孩子說：「現在你知道外語的重要性了吧。」
Catch
a
cold
得感冒
During
the
fight,
the
boxer
swiped
the
air
furiously,
but
could
not
hit
his
opponent.
"How
am
I
doing?"
he
asked
the
coach
at
the
end
of
the
round.
"Well,
if
you
keep
this
up,"
replied
the
coach,
"he
might
feel
the
wind
and
catch
a
cold."
http://enghumor.anyp.cn/040227092045218.aspx

『柒』 求一篇英文幽默短文,附帶閱讀理解題目

On the first day of college,the Dean addressed the students,pointing out some of the rules:"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students,and the male dormitory to the female students.Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He continued:"Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60.Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180.Are there any questions?"
this point,a male student in the crowd inquired:"How much for a season pass?"

『捌』 內容是美國式幽默或幽默的英語文章(閱讀理解,短文也可)

http://www.taohai.com/cn/newsdetail.asp?id=2547
這個是老友記的劇本，裡面都是美式幽默。。你可以看看～

或者
TGIF vs SHIT
a man met a blond in the elevator.
he greeted her: "T-G-I-F"
but got the reply: "S-H-I-T"
he was startled, but repeated "T-G-I-F"
again the reply was "S-H-I-T"
he was frustrated and said: "T-G-I-F, I mean Thanks God It's Friday"
the blond looked at him saying: "S-H-I-T, I mean Sorry Honey It's Thursday"

http://www.chinaunix.net/jh/33/545296.html

『玖』 求兩篇英語幽默短文~~

A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.

Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.

Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"

一隻母老鼠帶著孩子出來散步，突然她看見一隻貓正在灌木叢中虎視耽耽。

母老鼠向著貓叫道：「汪，汪，汪」，貓聽了非常害怕，拚命跑走了。

母老鼠回過頭洋洋自得的對孩子說：「現在你知道外語的重要性了吧。」

Father's Things

When Tom Howard was seventeen years old he was as tall as his father, so he began to borrow Mr. Howard's clothes when he wanted to go out with his friends in the evening.

Mr. Howard did not like this, and he always got very angry when he found his son wearing any of his things.

One evening when Tom came downstairs to go out, his father stopped him in the hall. He looked at Tom's clothes very carefully.

Then he said angrily, "Isn't that one of my ties, Tom?"

"Yes, Father, it is," answered Tom.

"And that shirt's mine too."

"Yes, that's yours too," answered Tom.

"And you're wearing my belt!" said Mr. Howard.

"Yes, I am, Father," answered Tom. "You don't want your trousers to fall down, do you?"

父親的東西

湯姆.霍德華十七歲的時候，長得和父親一樣高了，於是當他晚上和朋友一起出去時，就開始借父親的衣服穿。

霍德華先生可不喜歡這樣，當他發現他的兒子穿他的衣服時，總是非常生氣。

一天晚上，湯姆下樓准備出去，父親在門廳里攔住了他。他細細打量著湯姆的穿著。

然後他氣呼呼地說：「湯姆，那不是我的一條領帶嗎？」

湯姆回答說：「是的，父親，是你的領帶。」

「還有那襯衫也是我的。」

「是的，襯衫也是你的。」湯姆回答說。

「還有呢，你連皮帶也用我的。」霍德華先生說。

「是的，父親，」湯姆回答說，「你不願意讓你的褲子掉下來吧？」