初一七年級英語閱讀題及答案大全
A. 初一英語閱讀理解,答案翻譯
Dick有一個朋友。他的名字叫GEORGE。他在一艘大輪船上工作。這艘船從美國出發到達中國。所以回George每次去都要好幾個答月。然後他僅僅能看到大海。
今天George在家。現在是早上9:00,他起床然後向窗外看。他看到了什麼?是樹。所以他從床上跳下來然後哭著說:輪船撞到陸地了,輪船撞到陸地了!
問題翻譯:
1、George是Dick的朋友
2、George在一艘大輪船上工作
3、George在8:00起床
4、George看見樹了,所以他認為他在船上
5、George今天早上在河裡
答案:(因為翻譯了,所以就順便做了一下,不知道對不對)TTFTF
都是自己打上去的,因為我還是初中生,可能翻譯不太好,希望將就一下!
B. 求初一上冊英語【閱讀理解】和【完形填空】各20篇,要包括翻譯和答案
()You'll see a new _1_at a hospitai near London if you go there.He is very clever,_2_he never speaks.He can work 24 hours a day and never gets _3_.He is one metre tall and has a face_4_a TV screen.He is Dr.Robot.
Doctors often need to ask their patients a lot of questions._5_ doctors can only spend a few minutes with such patient.But Dr.Robot,a human doctor can_8_a lot of uesful information(信息)when he meets his patient.
How can Dr.Robot do this? A computer "tell" him what to do.Dr.Robot can do a lot of things people can do,though he can't completely_9_the place of _10_ doctors.
(D)1.A.sick person B.nurse C.chemist D.doctor
(C)2.A.so B.if C.but D.because
(A)3.A.tired B.off C.up D.woounded
(A)4.A.like B.on C.as D.in
(B)5.A.Kind B.Busy C.Free D.Tall
(C)6.A.late B.impossibleC.necessary D.interesting
(A)7.A.With B.For C.Behind D.Under
(B)8.A.spend B.have C.send D.speak
(C)9.A.bring B.give C.take D.lead
(D)10.A.robot B.computer C.women D.human
(2)Mike is an Englishman. He lives in a __1___ building in the __2___ London. There are eighteen floors in the building and he lives on the fifteenth floor. He__3___ a lift (電梯)to go up and down. He works very hard. He__4___ to work early. Every day he leaves his__5__and walks to the lift. He gets into the lift. It __6___him down to the first floor. He gets out of the lift. Then he walks to __7___bus stop. The bus stop is in front of a station. It is about two hundred meters from ___8___home. Usually, he catches the number 11 bus to work, but sometimes he goes__9___. He works in a factory about ten__10___ from his home. His work starts at half past eight, and finishes at a quarter to five. He gets back home at half past5.
( ) 1. A. tall B. shot C. small D. large
( ) 2. A. country B. town C. city D. village
( ) 3. A. makes B. uses C. does D. mends
( ) 4. A. begins B. wants C. runs D. goes
( ) 5. A. home B. building C. office D. room
( ) 6. A. costs B. spends C. takes D. brings
( ) 7. A. an B.a C. the D. /
( ) 8. A.his B. he C. him D.himself
( ) 9. A.by plane B. by train C. on foot D. by air
( ) 10. A.meters B. kilometers C. minutes D. hours
(3)A Diary
Great weather! It was _1__ and hot all day. We __2__ to a beautiful beach.
We had great fun __3__ in the water. In the afternoon, we went __4__. On the way, I found a little boy __5__ in the corner. He was __6__. I helped __7__
find his father. That made me __8__ very happy. I didn』t have __9__ money __10__ a taxi. So I walked back to the hotel.
( )1.A. wind B. cloud C. sunny
( )2. A. go B. got C. went
( )3. A. play B. played C. playing
( )4. A. shop B.shopping C.shopped
( )5. A. cries B. cried C. crying
( )6. A. lose B. lost C. crying
( )7. A. he B. his C. him
( )8. A. feel B. feeling C. felt
( )9. A. some B. any C.a few
( )10. A. with B. on C. for
(4)Dear Dr Know,
I』m not happy. I have too __1_ rules in my family. I have to __2___ at 6:00 every morning. I can』t __3__ my friends after school __4__I have to __5__my dog for a walk. I can』t watch TV on school nights. And I have to __6_ in bed by ten o』clock. _7__ weekends, I have to clean my room and wash my clothes. Then I have to help my mother __8__ dinner. Later I have to go to the Children』s Palace __9__ the piano. I never have any fun. __10__ can I do?
( )1. A. many B. much C. a few
( )2. A. go to bed B. get up C.go home
( )3. A. watch B. look C. meet
( )4. A. so B. then C. because
( )5. A. bring B. take C. carry
( )6. A. be B. is C. am
( )7. A. In B. On C. At
( )8. A. make B. making C. do
( )9. A. learn B. to learn C. learning
( )10. A. Why B. What C. How
1-5CCCBC 6-10BCABC 1-5ABCBB 6-10ABBBB
(5)「Good Time」is a program on ABC Radio
Jim Green is an announcer(播音員)for the program.Most of the girls___1____ boys like the program. They ___2___like Jim Green. Some of them often make phone calls to him and thank him ___3___ his work. There are lots of ___4___ to him every day,too.
Jim Green gets up at 6:00 every morning.He has bread and a glass of milk ___5___ breakfast. He leaves home at 6:30 and ___6___ his office at 7:15.
The program ___7____ at 7:30.He plays the new records (唱片)of the pop songs and modern music for his listeners. At 8:00 it's time ____8____ the news.
Jim finishes work at 10:30. He goes home ____9____ his car.He ___10___ newspaper and listens to music after supper.
He thinks his life is very interesting.
( )1.A and B with C but D about
( )2.A too B to C also D so
( )3.A to B for C fo D and
( )4.A letter B letters C friends D words
( )5.A at B with C for D to
( )6.A goes B gets C gets to D gets up
( )7.A begins B finishes C over D start
( )8.A to B for C of D in
( )9.A by B in C on D takes
( )10.A looks B reads C sees D watches
1-5ACBBC 6-10CABBB
(6) The world 79 many interesting sounds. Some are unpleasant to our ears while 80 are very pleasant to hear. In a single day you probably hear 81 sounds. All sounds are different. Some 82
loud ,some sounds are high, others are low ,some sounds are useful. 83 Sound we can not talk or listen to each other. The ringing of the alarm clock wakes people up .the hooting of a car warns people of danger.
Some sounds are harmful. When plans fly low 84 the land .the very loud sounds can damage the house. Very loud sound can even make people deaf.
We know sound travels about one kilometer in three 85 . in a thunder storm you see the lighting first and then hear the thunder.
Divide this number 86 this will tell you 88 kilometers away the thunder storm is 88 .
( ) 79. A. full of B. fill with C. is filled of D. is filled with
( ) 80. A. others B. the other C. another D. the others
( ) 81. A. hundreds of B. hundred of C. Hundreds D. hundred
( ) 82. A. may B. Maybe C. may be D. can
( ) 83. A. of B. with C. without D. By
( ) 84. A. in B. on C. above D. over
( ) 85. A. hours B. days C. minutes D. seconds (秒)
( ) 86. A. more fast B. much faster C. more faster D. much faster
( ) 87. A. in B. of C. by D. at
( ) 88. A. how mach B. how many C. how D. how long
(7)Tom and Fred were talking about the year 2050.
「What will 1 be like in the year 2050?」 asked Tom.
「I don』t know,」 said Fred. 「What do you think?」
「Well, no one knows. But it is 2 to guess,」 said Tom. 「In the year 2050 everybody will 3 a pocket (袖珍) computer. The computer will give people the 4 to all their problems. We shall all have telephones in our pockets, 5 . And we』ll be able to talk to our friends all over the world. Perhaps we』ll be able to 6 them at the same time. Machines will do 7 of the work, and people will have more 8 . Perhaps they will work only two or three days a week. They will be able to fly to the moon by spaceship and spend their holidays there.」
「I』m very 9 to hear that. I hope to fly to the moon. And I hope I』ll be able to live 10 ,」 said Fred. 「Won』t that be interesting? Just like a fish.」
1. A. our home B. the traffic C. a factory D. the world
2. A. pleased B. no use C. interesting D. unusual
3. A. carry B. bring C. give D. send
4. A. news B. ways C. things D. answers
5. A. either B. again C. too D. also
6. A. call B. see C. look D. listen
7. A. most B. many C. lot D. every
8. A. work B. ty C. holidays D. times
9. A. sorry B. glad C. sure D. afraid
10. A. in the sea B. on land C. on the mountain D. under the ground
Mr. Johnson had a factory. He once 1 on TV that animals could be taught to 2 some work for people if they were given 3 to eat. He loved the idea. He thought it would be 4 to have a dog look after his 5 and an elephant do some heavy jobs 6 his factory. He bought a dog 7 an elephant in the market and decided to teach them to do some work for him. Of course. he 8 bought a lot of food for them. Several months later,the dog and the elephant 9 fatter and fatter,but they 10 do any work for him. At last,Mr. Johnson had to give up.
1. A. saw B. asked C. met
2. A. make B.do C. 1et
3. A. someone B.nothing C. something
4. A. bad B. good C. 1ate
5. A. house B. shirt C. eyes
6. A. in B. above C. under
7. A. but B. or C. and
8. A. also B. never C. yet
9. A. smelt B. sounded C. became
10. A. mustn』t B. couldn』t C. shouldn』t
1. A 2. B 3. C 4. B 5. A 6. A 7. C 8. A 9. C 10. B
記得選我為滿意回答哦~
C. 七年級英語的完形填空20篇和閱讀理解40篇
1:B
2:D
3:A
4:B
5:B
6:B
7:C
8:B
9:B
10:D
答案不一定百分百正確
D. 七年級英語閱讀題
D A B D D
E. 七年級英語閱讀理解 帶答案
閱讀理解 (20分)
A.
The world is not hungry , but it is thirsty . It seems strange that nearly 3/4 of the earth is covered with water while we say we are short of (短缺) water. Why? Because about 97% of water on the earth is sea water which we can't drink or use for watering plants directly (直接地) . Man can only drink and use the 3% - the water that comes from rivers and lakes. And we can't even use all of that, because some of it has been polluted (污染) .
Now more water is needed. The problem is: Can we avoid (避免) a serious water shortage later on? First, we should all learn how to save water. Secondly, we should find out the ways to reuse it . Scientists have always been making studies in the field. Today, in most large cities water is used only once and then runs to the sea or rivers . But it can be used again. Even if (即使) every large city reused its water, still there would not be enough. What could people turn to next?
The sea seems to have the best answer. There is a lot of water in the sea. All that needs to be done is to get the salt out of the sea water. This is expensive, but it's already used in many parts of the world. Scientists are trying to find a cheaper way of doing it. So you see, if we can find a way out, we'll be in no danger of drying up.
1 . The world is thirsty because ________.
A. 3/4 of the earth is covered with water
B. we have enough sea water to use directly
C. we haven't used all the water in rivers and lakes
D. about 97% of water on the earth can't be drunk or used for watering plants directly
2. Which of the following is true ?
A. 3% of water on the earth is in rivers and lakes.
B. 75% of water on the earth is the sea.
C. 97% of the earth is covered with water.
D. 3% of water on the earth is sea water.
3. From the passage we learn _________.
A. if every city reuses its water, we'll be in no danger of drying up
B. man can only drink and use about 25% of water on the earth
C. today in most large cities water is used only once
D. water can be used only once
4 . To avoid the serious water shortage , which of the following is the most important?
A. Save water and try to make good use of the water in rivers and lakes.
B. Don't pollute water and keep all rivers and lakes clean.
C. Make dirty water clean and then reuse it.
D. Try to find a cheaper way to get the salt out of the sea water.
5. The name of the passage would be ________
A. The Sea Water B. How to Save Water
C. The Thirsty World D. The Polluted Water
B.
Visitors to London often eat in restaurants . The owners and workers in them are all from other countries. The visitors say in these restaurants they don't feel they are in England. Most of English people eat at home as much as they can. Sometimes they themselves will think they are in another country when they are in restaurants. When an Englishman goes out of a restaurant, he may find that he doesn't understand why everything is written in French and Italian.
Most of English people think it is better to eat at home, because it is cheaper. They don't want to spend much money on food and they like cooking at home. They like fast food. But for Christmas, they will spend two or three weeks to get ready for it, because they want to have good food.
6. Visitors to London often eat in restaurants because_________.
A. they don't like the food at home B. their homes are not in London
C. it's cheaper D. restaurants are beautiful places
7. When English people eat in restaurants , they sometimes think __________.
A. they are in another country B. they are in the country
C. they are themselves D. they love their country
8. Some of English people don't know __________.
A. why everything comes from French and Italian
B. why people write everything in French and Italian
C. everything in restaurants
D. everyone in restaurants
9. English people eat at home because __________.
A. it is fast B. the food is expensive at home
C. it is sometimes very cheap D. the food is very cheap at home
10._________ English people will spend much time for Christmas .
A. In order to get more food B. In order to have much food
C. In order to get good food D. In order to have enough food
閱讀理解
A.
1.D 2.A 3.C 4.D 5.C
其中5.是主旨大意題。
5.文章第一段敘述世界上僅有%的水能使用;第二段敘述人們需要淡水,想盡辦法節約用水;第三段概述海水淡化的昂貴以及缺水的危險。本文著重解釋為什麼地球是個 thirsty world ,如何解決它的飢渴,故答案C最合題意。
B.
6.B 遊客由於家不在倫敦,只好到餐館吃飯。
7.A 由於英國人不習慣在外吃飯,就餐者多為外國人,因此英國人誤以為在外國。
8.B英國人搞不明白為什麼餐館里的東西用法語和義大利語來寫。
9.D英國人在家吃飯,主要原因是便宜。
10.C為了在過聖誕節時能吃上豐盛的飯菜,英國人總要花上很長時間准備。
F. 七年級英語閱讀理解練習題及答案
Betty and KittyBetty and Kitty are twins. They』re 12 years old. They look the same. But they have different hobbies. Betty likes collecting stamps. She has many beautiful stamps. They』re from different cities and countries. But Kitty likes growing flowers. The flowers are all very beautiful.Betty and Kitty both like reading books. Betty likes reading storybooks. But Kitty likes reading science books.On Sunday, they usually ride bikes to the park. They can play with their friends there. Sometimes their parents go there, too.
根據短文內容,判斷下列句子的正誤,正確的寫「T」,錯誤的寫「F」。
( ) 1. Betty is Kitty』s sister.
( ) 2. Betty likes growing flowers.
( ) 3. Kitty likes reading storybooks.
( ) 4. They』re twelve years old.
( ) 5. They usually take a bus to the park on Saturday
G. 七年級英語閱讀理解(題)
Last week Class 3 had a school trip. First we met at the school gate and went to the beach on the school bus. We played the guitar and sang an English song. When we got there, we played tennis. After that we had a drink for rest. Finally, we swam there. When we went back to school, we were all happy and excited.
根據短文內容回答問題
1、What did Class 3 do last week ?
________________
2、Where did they meet ?
________________
3、What did they do on the school bus ?
________________
4、What did they do for a rest ?
________________
5、How did they feel after the school trip ?
________________
全文翻譯:
上個星期3班有一學校旅行.首先我們在學校大門旁相遇並坐校車去海灘.我們彈吉他和唱英語歌.當我們達到目的的時候,我們玩網球.在那個以後我們喝飲料休息.最後,我們那裡游泳.當我們回到學校上學的時候,我們十分愉快和興奮.
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H. 七年級上冊英語閱讀理解題或任務型閱讀題
中考英語任務型英語閱讀理解題解題技巧
[摘 要]
[關鍵詞] 任務型閱讀理解 失分分析 解題技巧
初中英語新課標倡導任務型的教學模式,讓學生通過體驗、實踐、參與、合作、交流和探究等方式,學習和使用英語,完成學習任務,促進語言實際運用能力的提高。中考英語任務型閱讀就是在遵循「課程標准」基礎上,根據任務型教學設計而成的一種新題型。該題型要求學生在閱讀理解的基礎上,去完成一項任務或解決一個問題,它主要考查學生根據所提供語言信息具體解決實際問題的能力,即考查學生運用語言「做事」的能力;同時還注重考查學生的閱讀理解、書面表達、歸納概括、分析理解、邏輯推理及社會生活知識的綜合運用能力。
任務型閱讀理解題題型豐富,近年來考查形式大致如下:回答問題型、判斷正誤型、閱讀填空型、閱讀排序型、閱讀改寫句子型、看圖推斷型。試題既可以按照其中一種形式出現,也可以混合出現。讀寫結合,既增加了試題的難度和區分度,又有效的促進英語學習朝著實用性方向發展,符合了新課改的要求。
考查近幾年的中考英語任務型閱讀理解試題後不難發現,閱讀內容難度整體適中,易於理解,題目設計既不是很直接呈現答案,也不增添解題的彎度。但實際操作解題過程中,卻很容易犯這樣或那樣的錯誤,從而導致了很多不必要的失分。因此,我們有必要讓學生對任務型閱讀有較全面的了解,熟練掌握任務型閱讀的解題技巧。下面,筆者將結合學生答題常見錯誤進一步具體深入解析。
一、明確任務,關注題後要求
實例一:
(2009山東泰安)閱讀下面的短文,並完成短文後的任務。
Waste can be seen everywhere in the school. Some students ask for more food than they can eat and others often forget to turn off the lights when they leave the classroom. They say they can afford these things. But I don』t agree with them.
Waste can bring a lot of problems. Although China is rich in some resources (資源), we are short of others, for example, fresh water. It is reported that we will have no coal or oil to use in 100 years. So if we go on wasting our resources, what can we use in the future and where can we move? Think about it. (3) I think we should say no to the students who waste things every day. Everybody should stop wasting as soon as possible.
In our everyday life, we can do many things to prevent (阻止) waste from happening, for example, turn off the water taps when we finish washing, turn off the lights when we leave the classroom, try not to order more food than we need, and so on. Little by little, everything will be changed. (4) Waste can be stopped one day, if we do our best.
任務1:根據要求答題。(請注意問題後的詞數要求)
1. List the wastes mentioned in the first passage: (within 15 words)
_________________________________________________________________
2. What problems can waste bring? (within 20 words)
(1) ______________________________________________________________
(2) ______________________________________________________________
任務2:將短文中劃線的句子翻譯成漢語。
3. ______________________________________________________________
4. ______________________________________________________________
任務3:請給短文擬一個適當的標題:(within 5 words)
5. ______________________________________________________________
【答案】1. ask for more food,forget to turn off the lights
2. (1) We』ll be short of resources.(fresh water, coal or oil.)
(2) We』ll have nothing to use and nowhere to move./What can we use in the future and where can we move?
3. 我認為我們應該對那些天天浪費東西的學生說不。
4. 如果我們都盡力的話,將來有一天浪費就不會發生了。
5. Stop wasting/No more wasting
分析:這道中考題形式多樣,在同一道題中出現了收集並整理信息、回答問題、翻譯句子、擬標題等多項任務。因此,在未讀材料之前,應仔細閱讀所給任務,做到心中有數,避免答非所問,從而有效的提高做題的效率和准確率。另外,仔細閱讀後不難發現,任務1和任務3題後還有額外的附加要求(within 15 words,within 20 words,within 5 words),考生稍加馬虎,答題字數就容易超出警戒線!如多於任務一的作答,考生很易寫上: Some students ask for more food than they can eat and others often forget to turn off the lights when they leave the classroom.(共24詞)
二、)對照原文,作答適當修改
(2009甘肅蘭州)
…….At the same time, if you find you are wrong, be sure to correct yourself and apologize to those that you have offended(冒犯). ……
任務2. When you find you make a mistake in the chat room, what should you do?
_____________________________________________________________________
此題考生容易直接抄寫原句,而忘記應將人稱適當調整,答為:if you find you are wrong, be sure to correct yourself and apologize to those that you have offended..
附答案:I should correct myself and apologize to those that I have offended.
任務型閱讀理解不但考查學生閱讀理解的能力,還考查學生寫的能力,所謂讀寫結合。所以在寫的過程中就應特別注意書寫規范:單詞的首字母是否應大寫,單詞拼寫無誤,單詞的詞形、詞性,句子的語法准確,時態語態正確,固定搭配等等。在翻譯句子時尤其要慎重,結合語境,反復斟酌,努力做到萬無一失。
下面是一道滿分為10分的試題, 每題2分。
Do you think about your parents? 「 Yes, of course.」 You may answer, 「 I buy a present for my mother on Mother』s Day. And I give my father a present on Father』s Day.?
Then what about the other days of a year? Always remember to think about your parents. Not just on some important days.
I have a friend. She lives alone. Her parents live in another city.
One day I went to see her. We had a nice chat. Then she wanted to make a call. She dialed( 撥打電話) the number, but then put the phone down. After ten seconds, she dialed the number again. 「 Hi, mom…」
Later I asked, 「 Why did you dial the number twice?」
She smiled, 「 My parents are old. They can』t be quick to answer a call. (1)I always do so when I call them. I just want to give them enough time.」
My friend is a good girl. She is always thinking about her parents. You also want to be a good child, right? (2)why,her, learn ,So , not, from?
1. How should we really think about our parents?
答案一:Not just on some important days.
分析:回答不完整,不能完全覆蓋答題的信息。 不能得分。
答案二:To always remember to think about your parents.
分析:問題是對方式狀語提問,而答句則以目的狀語形式出現,盡管意思表達明白,但只能得1分。因此,回答句子一定要依據問句的形式和內容答題。
答案三:We should remember to think about your parents.
分析:回歸語境不難發現,答句漏掉一個關鍵詞:always.只能得一分。
2. Why did the girl dial the phone number twice?
答案:Her parents are old. They can』t be quick to answer a call. She just wants to give them enough time.
分析:問題是一般過去時態,答句也必須在原文的基礎上適當調整。這樣的作答只能得一分。
3. What do you think of the girl?
答案:She is a good girl and care about her parents.
分析:答句是一個並列句,care 應使用第三人稱單數形式,給一分。
4. 將文中劃線的句子(1)譯成漢語。
答案一:我總是這樣做,當我打電話給他們時。
分析:答案不符合漢語正常語序,給一分。
答案二:當我打電話給他們時,我經常這樣做。
分析:答案未將單詞always准確譯出, 扣0.5分。
答案三:當我打給他們時,我總是這樣做。
分析:答案過於口語化,表達不清晰,給1分。
5. 將文中劃線部分(2)連成一句話。
答案:So, why not learn from her.
分析:答句句末應為問號,扣0.5分。
I. 求七年級上冊英語閱讀短文20篇 含答案
1。Today i and friends of foreign travel, outside air is very good, people feel very comfortable. We all appreciate the fine girls bicycles. We enjoyed the beautiful nature brought. We happily spent a happy day. 今天和朋友一起出外交遊,外面的空氣很好,人感覺很舒服。我們騎著自行車一路欣賞鳥語花香。享受著大自然帶給我們的無限美好。大家開開心心地度過了愉快的一天。
2。Today Mailehaoo clothes, and parents take to the streets is happy, the parents have to pay to buy things. Unlike in their street to buy things they like to take a long time but saw the price, Ha-ha, is really very happy. I love my parents, I too thank them for the care and love. `` 今天買了好多衣服,和父母上街就是愉快,買東西有父母幫付錢。不像平時自己上街買東西碰到喜歡的但看了價錢都要考慮好久,呵呵,真的是很開心。我愛我的父母,太感謝他們對我的關心和愛戴了。
3.Flute " Robinson Crusoe " of good fortune, novelist of British, describe protagonist drift about on the island, overcome the difficulty, the legend story of pioneering an enterprise with painstaking efforts. Novel write true naturally, legendary. The protagonist plants the crops on the detached island, puts up the log cabin, has eaten the innumerable trials and tribulations, survive. Want, go back human world anxious, want to go how about go out of these damnable place only like make him to be fascinated, result fail, get back to, long separated for Britain for 28 year give me enlightenment by " Robinson's records of adventure " on 1868 year finally, tanacity of him let me wait for a chance to cause trouble, want, march toward another goal for life, look like Robinson like that spend one's own strength,reach ideal realm one's own. We need possess Robinson so spirit of struggle diligently.
英國小說家笛福的《魯濱遜漂流記》描述了主人公漂流海島,戰勝困難,艱苦創業的傳奇故事. 小說寫得真實自然,富有傳奇色彩.主人公在孤島上種莊稼,搭木屋,吃了千辛萬苦,生存下來.但想回人間的心切,使他著迷般地只想到如何走出這個鬼地方,結果還是失敗了,最後於1868年回到闊別28年的英國
《魯濱孫漂流記》給我以啟示,他的頑強讓我蠢蠢欲動,想要邁向人生的另一目標,像魯濱孫那樣用自己的力量,到達自己理想的境界。
我們需要具備魯濱遜那樣的刻苦奮斗的精神.
The World's Greatest Swordsman
At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.
His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.
"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"
"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."
世界上最偉大的擊劍手
在一場世界最佳擊劍手錶演中,排名第三的擊劍手上場了。一隻蒼蠅放了出來,劍劃了一個弧,他將蒼蠅劈成了兩半。觀眾歡呼起來。緊接著排名第二的人將一隻蒼蠅切成了四半。現場一陣沉默,人們期盼著世界上最偉大的擊劍手出場。
他的劍鋒以一個巨大的弧線劃了下來--然而那隻昆蟲還在繼續飛行!觀眾被驚呆了。最偉大的擊劍手完全錯過了他的目標,然而他還在微笑著。
「你為什麼這么高興?」有人嚷道,「你沒擊中!」
「啊,」劍手答道,「你剛才沒有很仔細地看。蒼蠅還活著,是的--但他永遠也做不成爸爸了。」
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A Mistake
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"Where are the others?" asked a medic.
"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
搞錯了
一位美國人,一位英格蘭人和一位加拿大人在一場車禍中喪生。他們到達天堂的門口。在那裡,醉醺醺的聖彼德解釋說是搞錯了。「每人給我五百美元,」他說,「我將把你們送回人間,就象什麼都沒有發生過一樣。」
「成交!」美國人說。立刻,他發現自己毫不損傷地站在現場附近。
「其他人在哪兒?」一名醫生問道。
「我離開之前,」那名美國人說,「我看見英格蘭人正在砍價,而那名加拿大人正在分辯說應該由他的政府來出這筆錢。」
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Pig or Witch
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.
豬還是女巫
一個男人在一條陡峭狹窄的山路上駕車,一個女人相向駕車而來。他們相遇時,那個女的從窗中伸出頭來叫到:「豬!!」那個男的立即從窗中伸出頭來回敬道:「女巫!!」他們繼續前行。這個男的在下一個路口轉彎時,撞上了路中間的一頭豬。要是這個男的能聽懂那個女人的意思就好了。
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Response Ability
An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."
Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
答問技巧
衣阿華州奧格根的一位牧師正在與一位教友為一杯咖啡而猜硬幣。別人問他那是否構成賭博行為時,牧師答道:「這僅僅是決定由誰來做一件善事的一種科學方法。」
當我人問哲學家羅素是否願意為了他的信仰而獻身時,他答道:「當然不會。畢竟,我可能會是錯的。」
一份報紙組織了一場競賽,為下面的問題徵集最佳答案:「如果盧浮宮起了火,而你只能救出一幅畫,你將救出哪一幅?」
獲獎的答案是:「最接近門口的那一幅。」
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Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter
A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.
For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.
In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.
"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.
"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"
偉大的獵手Jonesie
有個小村莊正為一隻吃人的獅子而煩惱。於是,村長派人去請偉大的獵手Jonesie來殺死這只野獸。
獵手躺著等了幾個晚上,但獅子一直沒有出現。最後,他要求村長殺只羊然後把頭皮給他。把羊皮披在身上後,獵人到草原上去等獅子。
半夜,村民被從草原傳來的聲嘶力竭的尖叫聲驚醒。他們小心地靠近後,看到獵手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。沒有獅子出沒的蛛絲馬跡。
「Jonesie,怎麼了?獅子在哪?」村長問。
「哪有獅子!」獵人怒吼道,「哪個傻瓜把公牛放出來了?」
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Weather Predict
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.
A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."
天氣預報
一個電影攝制組在沙漠深處工作.一天,一個印度老人到導演跟前告訴導演說"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.
一周後,印度人又來告訴導演說,"明天有風暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.
"印度人真神,"導演說.他告訴秘書僱傭該印度人來預報天氣.
幾次預報都很成功.然後,接下來的兩周,印度人不見了.
最後,導演派人去把他叫來了."我明天必須拍一個很大的場景,"導演說,"這得靠你了.明天天氣如何啊?"
印度人聳了聳肩."我不知道,"印度人說,"收音機壞了."
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I Am Acting Like a Lady
One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.
He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.
"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"
"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."
我要表現得象位女士
一天,遠東百貨公司的女裝大減價,一位高貴的中年男士想給太太買一件。可是,沒過多久,他發現自己已被瘋狂的女人沖得踉踉蹌蹌。
他竭力忍耐著。後來,他低下頭,揮動雙臂,擠過人群。
「你幹嘛?」有人尖聲叫道,「你難道不能表現得象位紳士嗎?」
「聽著,」他說,「我已經象紳士一樣表現了一個小時。從現在起,我要表現得象個女士。」