是英语阅读短文里的
㈠ 英语阅读短文一般用什么表示
做好高考英语阅读表达题方法，
一、了解考查内容
阅读部分考查的是考生的阅读理解能力，即对文章的整体和局部信息的理解和掌握情况。整体指的是文章的主旨大意，作者的态度、意图等；局部是指分散在文中的一些具体、特点的信息，了解了考查内容，对于考生就可以做到心中有数。
1. 文章的基本结构和主旨大义
英语文章讲究使用主题段和主题句。主题段通常在文章开头，简要概括文章的中心思想，主题句则有可能在一段的开头，也可能在中间或末尾作用是交代该段的中心思想，再由全段展开或讨论这个意思，段与段之间通常有词语连接，使文章作文连贯。如果要准确、深刻地理解一篇文章，必须对其结构有所了解，把握住全篇的文脉，对这种能力的考查主要反映在涉及文章中心思想，文中某一段大意或指代关系的题目中，文章的中心思想，有时从文章的第一个段落甚至第一个句子即可得出文章的主旨大义，以这一段或者句子读者就会知道文章描述的是谁，作者希望读者了解主题方面的哪些内容。当然，有时，文章的主旨大义则需以文章的字里行间进行推断，这类试题主要考查略读文章、领会大意的能力，它对考生的归纳、概括能力有一定的要求。
2. 作者意图和态度
每篇文章都有一个特定的写作目的，或是向读者传递某个信息，讲授某个道理等或是愉悦读者。而这些信息并不是明确的表达出来，而是隐含在文章当中，因此这要求考生在理解文章总体内容的基础上，才能领会作者的言外之意。
3. 文中具体信息
文章的主题和中心思想确立后，还需要有大量细节信息的支撑。这些细节对于理解全文至关重要。同时也是归纳和概括文章中心思想的基础。因而不容忽视。通常会根据不同的要求考查文中的一些具体细节。这种比较直接，考生容易找到答案，但有时也较为间接，需要进行归纳、概括和推理。
4. 推测生词词义
正确理解文章中单词或短语的含义是理解文章的第一步，不懂单词的含义，根本就谈不上理解文章，同时应该清楚英语单词的含义并非等同于词典中所标注的汉语意思，其含义随不同的语境会有所不同，所以这时必须根据上下文，才能正确理解灵活变化的词义，这样才算是真正初步具备了阅读理解能力。在英语阅读文章中常会遇到一些生词，但许多这类生词的词义可以通过上下文推断出来，这种不使用字典而通过阅读上下文来认识生词的能力，是一个合格的读者必须具备的能力。
5. 作出简单判断和推理
阅读文章的主要目的是获取作者所要传述的信息，在实际的阅读活动中，有时需要根据文章提供的事实和线索，推测出作者未提到的事实或某事发生的可能性等。
二、应试技能训练
1. 提高阅读速度
要想在短时间内拿到阅读高分，阅读速度和理解的准确度两者都不能少，平常要注意多做快速阅读和精读相结合练习。通常考生要有一定的时间要求。训练阅读速度的方法因人而异。有些人阅读速度较慢是因为词汇量太小，不得不边读边查字典。那么对这些人而言，提高速度的最佳方法是多掌握一些词汇，多读一些适合自己水平的读物，阅读时仍遇到生词，可先尝试跳过。如果跳过的生词为关键词，读完文章后仍有猜不出的，可统一查询词典。通过不同方法，如采用以手指词强制逐字阅读的训练方法，；加快阅读速度。
2. 带着问题读文章
考生切记做题时，要带着问题读文章，即先看题目，弄清楚题目要求，带着问题有目的地进行阅读。这样能把握方向。通常信息常隐于短文中，但篇幅长为利于快速捕捉信息，先看试题，了解试题题干以及各个选项所包含的信息。然后有针对性地对文章进行扫读，对有关信息进行整合，甄别、分析、对比，有根有据地排除干扰项，选出正确答案。这样做，提高了做题的准确率，节省了宝贵的时间，特别适用与图形表格类题材的理解。
3. 理顺思路与文章脉络
这种方法可以帮助你理清文章的头绪，建议考试中在试卷相应处做出自己可以识别的标记。如记叙文多与人物为中心，以时间、空间为线索，按事件的发生、发展、结尾展开故事，在阅读此类文章的过程中每出现人物、时间、地点的时候作一个小标记，以便最快时间里找到文章发展情节。而论述性文章则包含论点、论据、结论三大要素，通过解释、举例来阐述观点，那么考生可以根据文章的特点，详读细节以实词、时间、地点、事件因果等为线索，找出关键词语，运用“画图列表法”快速突破那些要求考生找出原因和结果的题目。
4. 巧用标题和首句
有时阅读短文带有小标题，这时的小标题就非常重要，因为小标题都是文章的点晴之笔，都与文章的中心和文后的问题密切相关，利用得好有助于加快、加深对文章的理解，有利于文章内函的挖掘，同时考生要注意首句，首句的作用有时与文章的标题有异曲同工之妙，解题时应注意利用，它是对一段文章内容的概括，其后续语句是对首句的说明、解释。
5. 加强阅读习惯的养成
阅读时，学生的良好习惯也非常重要。平时阅读时，不要随意性太强，要在限定的时间去完成阅读任务，不要每逢词便查字典，要学会通过上下文猜测词意。不要字字都读，要学会眼扫开头结尾，确定主题大意，不放过关键词语，要抓住but, however 等词的真正意图。把握重要的长句，学会找到句子的并列或主从结构特征以理解句意，不轻易根据某细节妄下结论。不以中国的习俗及价值观念为准绳去评判区别英语国家人们的行为习惯。
学生要如何提高自己的阅读理解水平，除了要了解文章要考查的内容之外，还要注意做题的一些应试技能策略，平时还要加强掌握基本的英语语言知识和一定的语言文化背景知识，尽量争取多读一些英语文章，并通过阅读培养起学生对英语的兴趣。
㈡ 英语阅读短文D（有排序,根据文章内容填入文中的）这样的题怎么才能准确的做啊,介绍点方法
此类问题属于阅读中的难点,如果一边看一边做,第一遍只能填上一两版个或根本填不权上,而且填上的答案也有可能是错误的,从而造成下面思维的混乱,可能会错不止一个.最好的办法是先读一遍原文,把文章大体内容滤清,再看一遍选项,有的可以直接填上,要注意空的位置,如果在段首和段尾可能是对整段的概述或承上启下,要仔细读选项,有的选项意思相似但存在细微的差别,不要紧张,细读每一个单词,有的选项中可能含有像not,hardly之类的否定词千万不要看错,有的选项看似与原文没太大关系,实际上是一种比喻比如说前文讲的是英语的听说读写,后面有两个选项,一个是英语的读和写都很重要,一个是学英语就是输入和输出.这个问题看似选第一个,实际上是选第二个,输入和输出就相当于听说读写的一种比喻（先学再用）,最难的是句子在中间,要反复读上下文的意思,注意：片面的表述绝大部分是错误的.
还有不会的可以问我
㈢ 有一本英语阅读本是这篇文章里的
1由点到面，构建知识网络
对所学的知识点分步地进行梳理、归纳和总结，理清内知识脉络。从一个简单的语法容点或一个核心句型开始延伸，理清它们的变化形式、变化规律以及与时态、语态等的关联。所谓由点到面，构建知识网络。
2由面到点，加深记忆，查漏补缺
回归课本，查缺补漏，打好基础。以单元为单位展开复习，回忆每单元所学的主要内容，包括核心单词、重点句型和语法，以及需要掌握的对话等。回忆时要有框架，由面到点，比如先通过目录页回忆每个单元的话题，然后再回忆细化的知识点。
3聚焦重难点，巩固易错点
对每单元中的重点内容（词汇、句型和语法）和在练习中易错的点作进一步的复习，解决重点、难点和疑点，加深理解。多看错题本，攻克错题。
4经典题目自测，检验复习效果
对复习效果进行检测，会产生成就感或紧张感，从而自觉主动地去学习，同时可以及时调整复习方法。在复习完成时，选取一定数量的题目进行检测非常有必要。多做典型题，摸清规律，学会举一反三，但不提倡题海战术。
想要考个好成绩，除了熟练掌握单词、语法、句型，还要有正确的答题技巧
㈣ 英语阅读中找出短文中的对应词
理解.我也常常这样,
后来老师就给我说这样的很正常.
只要做题切勿急,不要看内到了原句就容马上高兴的就选了,往往这种题是马虎人的,所以选出了答案要多推敲.只要你细心点,这个问题就很好的解决了.
呵呵.本人就是一个成功的例子.希望对你有帮助
㈤ 在英语阅读题中，如果短文里是这样写的：
打对。
㈥ 英语阅读小短文【50字以下，加翻译】要三篇
My Room
This is my room. Near the window there is a desk. I often do my homework at it. You can see some books, some flowers in a vase, a ruler and a pen. On the wall near the desk there is a picture of a cat. There is a clock above the end of my bed. I usually put my shoe under my bed. Of course there is a chair in front of the desk. I sit there and I can see the trees and roads outside.
我的房间
这是我的房间。 在窗口附近有一张书桌。 我经常在那做我的家庭作业。 您能看有些书，有些花在花瓶里，一把格尺和笔。 在墙壁在书桌有猫的图片。 有一个时钟在我的床上的末端。 我通常把我的鞋子放在我的床下。 当然有一把椅子在书桌前面。 我坐那里，并且我能看外面的树和路
Skating
Mom bought me a pair of skating shoes at my fifth birthday. From then on, I developed the hobby of skating. It not only makes me stronger and stronger, but also helps me know many truths of life. I know that it is normal to fall, and if only you can get on your feet again and keep on moving, you are very good!
滑冰
妈妈买了我一双冰鞋鞋子在我的第五个生日。 从那时起，我爱好滑冰。 它不仅使我越来越加强，而且帮助我知道生活许多真谛。 我知道摔倒是正常的，并且，如果只有你能摔倒后再站起来，就是非常好!
The Sea
What do you know about the sea? Some people know about it, but others don’t. The sea looks beautiful on a fine sunny day, the sea is very big. In the world, there is more sea than land. Do you know Hainan Island? It’s really very nice. We can see beaches, trees and the sea. We can swim and visit a lot of beautiful places.
海
你对海知道些什么？ 某些人知道关于它，但其他不。 海看起来美丽在一个美好的晴天，海是非常大的。 在世界上，比土地有更多海。 您是否知道海南岛？ 那非常好。 我们能看海滩、树和海。 我们可以游泳和参观很多美好的地方。
㈦ 英语阅读短文
文章介绍情感宣泄出来要比隐藏起来更好，但是需要用健康的方式去表达，而不能伤害别人情感 答案为ADBBC
细节题：Some people in the UK use the expression “take a deep breath and count to 10”, meaning take a pause, breathe deeply and let yourself calm down instead of getting angry. 即A选项
推断题：文章没有显示划线部分是哪个it，根据答案设置应该就是第二段第四行的it,答案是D。为便于理解，下面我们逐个分析。
Expressing emotions is important rather than hiding them or keeping them inside. Everyone feels negative emotions such as anger and needs to deal with them. But there are healthy ways to express anger and ways to control it. (it--anger).Shouting bad words at someone will hurt the other person or make them angry too. If you feel angry, it(形式主语） is best to think before you speak. Some people in the UK use the expression “take a deep breath and count to 10”, meaning take a pause, breathe deeply and let yourself calm down instead of getting angry.
Another expression people use to say they are controlling their anger is “biting their lip”. This means not letting the bad words come out of their mouth. If you cannot think of anything but bad words, it（形式主语） is probably best to “bite your lip.” But sometimes letting all your anger out can be cathartic(宣泄情绪), as long as you do it（letting all your anger out） at the right place and time. If you have just had a bad day, you could go into a room by yourself and scream or yell very loudly. Or if you want to hit someone or smash something, you could hit a pillow instead. Then after you let your anger out this way, you’ll be able to deal with your problems more calmly.
If you do lose your temper with someone, though, you need to apologize. One way to do this is to say “pardon my French”. This expression has been used for many years as an apology for bad language. Then you can calmly explain what made you upset.
B细节题：第二段末尾说的很清楚：Then after you let your anger out this way, you’ll be able to deal with your problems more calmly.
B细节题：第二段倒数第二句Or if you want to hit someone or smash something, you could hit a pillow instead. ACD都是干扰项
C.回归原文找到出处，定位至第三段，把握主题句。If you do lose your temper with someone, though, you need to apologize. 从这一句可以大致推断本段围绕道歉和补救措施。再往后看，One way to do this is to say “pardon my French”. This expression has been used for many years as an apology for bad language. 这时候答案已经显而易见。
Emotionsneed to be expressed but in a way that hurts no one.
主旨题：从第一段的句子：Expressing emotions is important rather than hiding them or keeping them inside.和But there are healthy ways to express anger and ways to control it.可知作者认为情感需要宣泄，但是需要用不能伤害别人的方式
㈧ 英语阅读小短文
以下为本人精心解答，还望楼主满意^_^
1.
What
does
the
monster
in
Loch
Ness
look
like?
It
looks
like
a
dinosaur.
（它看起来像一只恐龙。）
2.
What
did
Robert
Kenneth
Wilson
do
in
1934?
He
gave
a
newspaper
a
photo
of
the
monster.
（他给了一回家报纸一张这个怪兽的照片答。）
3.
How
did
Christian
Spurling
surprise
everyone?
He
said
the
photo
of
the
Loch
Ness
Monster
was
a
fake.
（他说这张尼斯湖水怪的照片是假的。）
4.
How
are
many
tricks
and
jokes
spread
today?
They
are
spread
using
e-mail.
（它们是通过电子邮件的使用而得以传播的。）
5.
What
do
you
thank
of
tricks
and
jokes
like
today?
Some
can
be
funny,
but
others
can
cause
trouble.
（一些很有趣，不过另外一些可能会制造麻烦。）
㈨ 怎样判断英语阅读理解中的短文是节选自何处
楼主，这得看你平时的阅读量了！
报纸的一般是新闻语言，杂志的得回看是什么类型的杂志，因为国答外有些杂志不也发表论文用吗？至于是论文还是演讲稿，你看它的语言用词就可以了，而且论文之类的它的语言一般都很规范且内容主题一般很具科研性的。
你平时看这些的时候，多注意它们的区别，基本上不难辨别的。话说，一般阅读理解出这样的选择题概率应该不大，即使有也不会很难判断的。
㈩ 英语短文阅读
At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.
His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.
"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"
"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."
世界上最伟大的击剑手
在一场世界最佳击剑手表演中，排名第三的击剑手上场了。一只苍蝇放了出来，剑划了一个弧，他将苍蝇劈成了两半。观众欢呼起来。紧接着排名第二的人将一只苍蝇切成了四半。现场一阵沉默，人们期盼着世界上最伟大的击剑手出场。
他的剑锋以一个巨大的弧线划了下来－－然而那只昆虫还在继续飞行!观众被惊呆了。最伟大的击剑手完全错过了他的目标，然而他还在微笑着。
“你为什么这么高兴？”有人嚷道，“你没击中!”
“啊，”剑手答道，“你刚才没有很仔细地看。苍蝇还活着，是的－－但他永远也做不成爸爸了。”
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A Mistake
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"Where are the others?" asked a medic.
"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
搞错了
一位美国人，一位英格兰人和一位加拿大人在一场车祸中丧生。他们到达天堂的门口。在那里，醉醺醺的圣彼德解释说是搞错了。“每人给我五百美元，”他说，“我将把你们送回人间，就象什么都没有发生过一样。”
“成交!”美国人说。立刻，他发现自己毫不损伤地站在现场附近。
“其他人在哪儿？”一名医生问道。
“我离开之前，”那名美国人说，“我看见英格兰人正在砍价，而那名加拿大人正在分辩说应该由他的政府来出这笔钱。”
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Pig or Witch
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.
猪还是女巫
一个男人在一条陡峭狭窄的山路上驾车，一个女人相向驾车而来。他们相遇时，那个女的从窗中伸出头来叫到：“猪！！”那个男的立即从窗中伸出头来回敬道：“女巫！！”他们继续前行。这个男的在下一个路口转弯时，撞上了路中间的一头猪。要是这个男的能听懂那个女人的意思就好了。
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Response Ability
An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."
Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
答问技巧
衣阿华州奥格根的一位牧师正在与一位教友为一杯咖啡而猜硬币。别人问他那是否构成赌博行为时，牧师答道：“这仅仅是决定由谁来做一件善事的一种科学方法。”
当我人问哲学家罗素是否愿意为了他的信仰而献身时，他答道：“当然不会。毕竟，我可能会是错的。”
一份报纸组织了一场竞赛，为下面的问题征集最佳答案：“如果卢浮宫起了火，而你只能救出一幅画，你将救出哪一幅？”
获奖的答案是：“最接近门口的那一幅。”
————————————————————————————————————————
Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter
A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.
For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.
In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.
"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.
"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"
伟大的猎手Jonesie
有个小村庄正为一只吃人的狮子而烦恼。于是，村长派人去请伟大的猎手Jonesie来杀死这只野兽。
猎手躺着等了几个晚上，但狮子一直没有出现。最后，他要求村长杀只羊然后把头皮给他。把羊皮披在身上后，猎人到草原上去等狮子。
半夜，村民被从草原传来的声嘶力竭的尖叫声惊醒。他们小心地靠近后，看到猎手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。没有狮子出没的蛛丝马迹。
“Jonesie，怎么了？狮子在哪？”村长问。
“哪有狮子！”猎人怒吼道，“哪个傻瓜把公牛放出来了？”
————————————————————————————————————————
Weather Predict
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.
A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."
天气预报
一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作.一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.
一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,"明天有风暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.
"印度人真神,"导演说.他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气.
几次预报都很成功.然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了.
最后,导演派人去把他叫来了."我明天必须拍一个很大的场景,"导演说,"这得靠你了.明天天气如何啊?"
印度人耸了耸肩."我不知道,"印度人说,"收音机坏了."
——————————————————————————————————————————
I Am Acting Like a Lady
One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.
He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.
"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"
"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."
我要表现得象位女士
一天，远东百货公司的女装大减价，一位高贵的中年男士想给太太买一件。可是，没过多久，他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。
他竭力忍耐着。后来，他低下头，挥动双臂，挤过人群。
“你干嘛？”有人尖声叫道，“你难道不能表现得象位绅士吗？”
“听着，”他说，“我已经象绅士一样表现了一个小时。从现在起，我要表现得象个女士。”
这样可以么?很多哦
回答者： 寒蝉鸣泣の时 - 魔法师 四级 2009-5-19 21:06
1。Today and friends of foreign travel, outside air is very good, people feel very comfortable. We all appreciate the fine girls bicycles. We enjoyed the beautiful nature brought. We happily spent a happy day. 今天和朋友一起出外交游，外面的空气很好，人感觉很舒服。我们骑着自行车一路欣赏鸟语花香。享受着大自然带给我们的无限美好。大家开开心心地度过了愉快的一天。
2。Today Mailehaoo clothes, and parents take to the streets is happy, the parents have to pay to buy things. Unlike in their street to buy things they like to take a long time but saw the price, Ha-ha, is really very happy. I love my parents, I too thank them for the care and love. `` 今天买了好多衣服，和父母上街就是愉快，买东西有父母帮付钱。不像平时自己上街买东西碰到喜欢的但看了价钱都要考虑好久，呵呵，真的是很开心。我爱我的父母，太感谢他们对我的关心和爱戴了。
3.Flute " Robinson Crusoe " of good fortune, novelist of British, describe protagonist drift about on the island, overcome the difficulty, the legend story of pioneering an enterprise with painstaking efforts. Novel write true naturally, legendary. The protagonist plants the crops on the detached island, puts up the log cabin, has eaten the innumerable trials and tribulations, survive. Want, go back human world anxious, want to go how about go out of these damnable place only like make him to be fascinated, result fail, get back to, long separated for Britain for 28 year give me enlightenment by " Robinson's records of adventure " on 1868 year finally, tanacity of him let me wait for a chance to cause trouble, want, march toward another goal for life, look like Robinson like that spend one's own strength,reach ideal realm one's own. We need possess Robinson so spirit of struggle diligently.
英国小说家笛福的《鲁滨逊漂流记》描述了主人公漂流海岛,战胜困难,艰苦创业的传奇故事. 小说写得真实自然,富有传奇色彩.主人公在孤岛上种庄稼,搭木屋,吃了千辛万苦,生存下来.但想回人间的心切,使他着迷般地只想到如何走出这个鬼地方,结果还是失败了,最后于1868年回到阔别28年的英国
《鲁滨孙漂流记》给我以启示，他的顽强让我蠢蠢欲动，想要迈向人生的另一目标，像鲁滨孙那样用自己的力量，到达自己理想的境界。
我们需要具备鲁滨逊那样的刻苦奋斗的精神.
The World's Greatest Swordsman
At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.
His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.
"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"
"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."
世界上最伟大的击剑手
在一场世界最佳击剑手表演中，排名第三的击剑手上场了。一只苍蝇放了出来，剑划了一个弧，他将苍蝇劈成了两半。观众欢呼起来。紧接着排名第二的人将一只苍蝇切成了四半。现场一阵沉默，人们期盼着世界上最伟大的击剑手出场。
他的剑锋以一个巨大的弧线划了下来－－然而那只昆虫还在继续飞行!观众被惊呆了。最伟大的击剑手完全错过了他的目标，然而他还在微笑着。
“你为什么这么高兴？”有人嚷道，“你没击中!”
“啊，”剑手答道，“你刚才没有很仔细地看。苍蝇还活着，是的－－但他永远也做不成爸爸了。”
—————————————————————————————————————————
A Mistake
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"Where are the others?" asked a medic.
"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
搞错了
一位美国人，一位英格兰人和一位加拿大人在一场车祸中丧生。他们到达天堂的门口。在那里，醉醺醺的圣彼德解释说是搞错了。“每人给我五百美元，”他说，“我将把你们送回人间，就象什么都没有发生过一样。”
“成交!”美国人说。立刻，他发现自己毫不损伤地站在现场附近。
“其他人在哪儿？”一名医生问道。
“我离开之前，”那名美国人说，“我看见英格兰人正在砍价，而那名加拿大人正在分辩说应该由他的政府来出这笔钱。”
————————————————————————————————————————
Pig or Witch
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.
猪还是女巫
一个男人在一条陡峭狭窄的山路上驾车，一个女人相向驾车而来。他们相遇时，那个女的从窗中伸出头来叫到：“猪！！”那个男的立即从窗中伸出头来回敬道：“女巫！！”他们继续前行。这个男的在下一个路口转弯时，撞上了路中间的一头猪。要是这个男的能听懂那个女人的意思就好了。
—————————————————————————————————————————
Response Ability
An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."
Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
答问技巧
衣阿华州奥格根的一位牧师正在与一位教友为一杯咖啡而猜硬币。别人问他那是否构成赌博行为时，牧师答道：“这仅仅是决定由谁来做一件善事的一种科学方法。”
当我人问哲学家罗素是否愿意为了他的信仰而献身时，他答道：“当然不会。毕竟，我可能会是错的。”
一份报纸组织了一场竞赛，为下面的问题征集最佳答案：“如果卢浮宫起了火，而你只能救出一幅画，你将救出哪一幅？”
获奖的答案是：“最接近门口的那一幅。”
————————————————————————————————————————
Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter
A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.
For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.
In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.
"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.
"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"
伟大的猎手Jonesie
有个小村庄正为一只吃人的狮子而烦恼。于是，村长派人去请伟大的猎手Jonesie来杀死这只野兽。
猎手躺着等了几个晚上，但狮子一直没有出现。最后，他要求村长杀只羊然后把头皮给他。把羊皮披在身上后，猎人到草原上去等狮子。
半夜，村民被从草原传来的声嘶力竭的尖叫声惊醒。他们小心地靠近后，看到猎手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。没有狮子出没的蛛丝马迹。
“Jonesie，怎么了？狮子在哪？”村长问。
“哪有狮子！”猎人怒吼道，“哪个傻瓜把公牛放出来了？”
————————————————————————————————————————
Weather Predict
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.
A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."
天气预报
一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作.一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.
一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,"明天有风暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.
"印度人真神,"导演说.他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气.
几次预报都很成功.然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了.
最后,导演派人去把他叫来了."我明天必须拍一个很大的场景,"导演说,"这得靠你了.明天天气如何啊?"
印度人耸了耸肩."我不知道,"印度人说,"收音机坏了."
——————————————————————————————————————————
I Am Acting Like a Lady
One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.
He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.
"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"
"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."
我要表现得象位女士
一天，远东百货公司的女装大减价，一位高贵的中年男士想给太太买一件。可是，没过多久，他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。
他竭力忍耐着。后来，他低下头，挥动双臂，挤过人群。
“你干嘛？”有人尖声叫道，“你难道不能表现得象位绅士吗？”
“听着，”他说，“我已经象绅士一样表现了一个小时。从现在起，我要表现得象个女士。”